What will YOU order at McDooDoos?
By Vicki Robison
Earlier this week, one of the more disturbing stories being covered in the alternative media was about how Professor Mitsyuki Ikeda (who will probably be forever known as Professor Caca) has found a way to “safely” convert human feces into edible “hamburger.” (This part is not satire! The video can be found at the bottom of this page.) The story was covered by Mental Floss, Cryptogon, disclose.TV, Inhabitat, SodaHead, No More Censorship, The Huffington Post, and many other sites.
So naturally, I have started to wonder what hamburger joints of the future will be like.
McDonalds has the Big Mac, Burger King has the Whopper, Dairy Queen has the Hunger Buster and Jack in the Box has the Jumbo Jack. BUT NOW, you have the option of going to…
The year is 2020! After paying 95% of their income to fund the global war, Mom and Dad discover they have 50 credits remaining on their monetary chip implants, so they decide to treat the kids by taking them to McDooDoos!
At McDooDoos, you can order a variety of sandwiches. For the kids: The Little Poo! For adults, we offer the McDookey and the Double Dookey, for those with big appetites!
Not in the mood for a burger? Order a chef salad instead, lightly sprinkled with Crappy Crumbles — which also substitutes as our taco filler!
If you’re not a fan of the regular turd burgers, consider ordering our shitken sandwich! The “meat” comes from the same source, but with the help of science, we bleach the heck out of it with deadly chemicals so that it looks just like chicken and almost tastes like it too! Going low-carb? Try our deep-fried shitken nuggets! Mmmmmm!
But man cannot live on stool alone! That’s why we offer the yummiest Mockolate (mock-chocolate) Shakes in the country!
Who knows what science will come up with next? — But rest assured, when science figures out how to convert urine into clean drinking water for a reasonable price or toe jam, belly button lint and boogers into tasty side dishes, you’ll find them on our value menu!
So come on over to McDooDoos today! Bring the kids with you and let them meet Ronald McDooDoo and his friends: the Turd Burglar, Mayor McSqueeze and Skid Mark!
Coming soon: Soylent Brown Cookies! The ultimate treat!
Solution to the Global Food Crisis – Let them eat TURD BURGERS!?
Uploaded to YouTube on April 10, 2011