It’s every mother’s dream that her kids will grow up to violate the rights of his/her fellow citizens, groping their most private parts, and ultimately humiliating them in almost every way possible!
If this is your dream for your children, consider buying them Spy Gear’s Security Scanner for around $25.00! (Blue rubber gloves sold seperately.)
The following is satire, pure and simple! … At least until the toy companies steal my ideas!
The Kid’s Manual of TSA Patdowns! Every child who grows up to be a TSA agent should know how to properly search the genitalia, butt crack and other nooks and crannies of the human body.
Anatomically Correct TSA Blow-Up Dolls! These are not your average mail-order blow-up dolls sold online and in sex magazines! No Sirreee! These blow-up dolls are made especially for kids, to allow them to practice patdown procedures in the privacy of their own bedrooms!
The Basic Model: This no-frills blow-up doll wears removable clothing — in case dangerous objects are found in or on the doll. The Basic model comes with a cigarette lighter, a pair of toenail clippers and a bottle of mouthwash — all illegal items which your child will have to confiscate! Available in male and female models. Price: $49.95
The Deluxe Model: The Deluxe TSA blow-up doll is just like the Basic model, but comes equipped with a touch-activated voice chip. Not only does the doll come with ten accessories for your child to confiscate, but when your child pats the doll down, the doll screams, cries and calls for the police. Phrases used by the Deluxe Model are: “I have rights!”, “Don’t touch my junk!”, “Somebody call the police!”, etc. Available in male and female models. Price: $99.95
The Super Deluxe Model: Our top-of-the-line blow-up doll comes with the same features as the Deluxe model, but with even more accessories, such as a real checkbook for your child to confiscate, a real, working cell phone, personal grooming items, unidentified liquids and handcuffs — in case your child has to detain the doll for further questioning. The doll also comes with robotic parts, which enables it to drop into the fetal position and cry uncontrollably. Available in male, female and transgendered modles. Price: 199.99